Before I Go by Brian Charles

Author:Brian Charles [Charles, Brian]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kensington Books
Published: 2022-06-23T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 27

The Deer

Saturday, November 4

11:26 p.m.

Joel’s condo was twelve blocks away. He made his way slowly along the sidewalk, ignoring vacant cabs and in no great hurry to get home. He wondered how she could have such a hold on him. How she could occupy such a piece of real estate in his mind despite barely knowing her. He’d been closed off from these feelings for so long and now, suddenly, they dominated his thoughts. His days changed when he saw her. She was on his mind every time he walked into the health club hoping to see her. And after he did, she stayed in his thoughts long after he left.

But he sensed that there was something holding her back. It could be that he was just bad at this sort of thing. The answer could be as simple as him being no good at reading and understanding women—his history of sabotaging his previous relationships was certainly a testament to such an argument. Or it could be that Abby was not interested. The way she had pulled away on the front porch a few minutes earlier certainly suggested a hint of indifference. But because the rest of the night had gone so smoothly, the scene on her front porch had left him puzzled. By the time he reached his condo, he was fatigued. Abby Gamble was a mystery. One he was not sure he would be able to solve.

He’d be forty in a couple of months and playing games had never been his style. It took nearly an entire baseball season to get her to dinner again. It wasn’t supposed to be this difficult—when it was, it usually didn’t get much easier. But there was something too alluring about this woman to give up. He remembered how she had talked about looking back and seeing life’s progress. The thought was intriguing now—getting lost in the moment with Abby and someday looking back to see their journey and follow the footprints they’d left behind.

When Joel’s head hit the pillow an hour later it was filled with doubt, and heavy with speculation. A quiet voice whispered from the recesses of his mind that he didn’t deserve her. That she was meant for someone more special than him, someone with a clean conscience and a healthy soul. He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

Joel found himself in his childhood home, a place he visited often in his dreams. He had asked his shrink friend the meaning one day over lunch and his friend responded that the house and the neighborhood in which he grew up were so deeply engraved in his psyche and had encompassed such a large volume of his life—nearly twenty years—that it was normal for the subconscious to return there during times of heavy slumber.

He was there now, wandering through his childhood home and remembering the large bay window in his father’s study. Through it he was able to watch chipmunks and raccoons as they scurried through the forest against which the house nestled.

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